It’s true, so much of the job search process happens online… the most common complaint – as you know – is the “black hole” — that mysterious place to which resumes seem to travel from the moment an applicant hits the “send” key.  If you’re involved in a job search where you feel like you repeatedly send out resumes in response to ads and rarely hear back, then it might be time for some new online search techniques.

Here are the 5 tricks to shake things up for you:

Answer questions on Linkedin
Your strongest chance of being hired is to find ways to show off your expertise and build relationships in your field. One easy way to do this is to troll the “Answers” section on LinkedIn and start responding to questions where you think you can be helpful. People whose answers get high ratings show up on a list of experts. Nabbing one of those spots is a terrific way to ensure that people using the site to fill a position will find your profile.

In addition, use LinkedIn for research, not just reaching out to people. You can search for people who have the job you want or who are at the company you want and view their profile to get a sense for their background and skills.  For smaller companies who may not have a lot of published news about them, learning about who works there may give you a window into the projects they do and the backgrounds they hire

Play around on Twitter
Twitter offers a huge way to search for job postings, interact with recruiters in particular fields or geographic locales, and respond to listings. The beauty of job searching on Twitter is that there is a live person on the other end of a Twitter account and you just might be able to attract that person’s attention and engage in conversation.  Job activity tends to be heaviest in web-related fields, but now that Twitter has gone mainstream, jobs are being posted because companies realize that all kinds of people are showing up on the service.

Find jobs on employer websites
Ever hunt around a web site unable to find the job listings even though it seems like they should be easy to find? Try this method, which should work with nearly any search engine.

Make sure you are looking in the right place
The Web is so big and fluid that it’s easy to get lost.  Alltop.com is a comprehensive blog directory that makes it simple to find scores of blogs on a particular topic. Scan the “careers” and “jobs” categories, where you’ll be able to decide if a blog is relevant to your search based on its 5 most recent posts; you can also look for blogs that cover your industry.

“Key word” your resume
I’m not a big believer in getting jobs through the blind submission of resumes. Still, if you are going to send yours out for any postings where you don’t also have a personal relationship, you’ll want to give yourself the best chance of being noticed. And since most resumes are digitized and scanned by software for screening, it is vital that your resume contain the key words an employer will be searching for in a given job search.

As a starting point, figure out the words your resume should contain by looking at the job description and title given in the posting. But there’s more to it than just plugging in those words. Here’s some additional things to consider to make sure that you are key word optimized. Keep in mind that it’s not just your resume that should pay attention to key words. The same thinking should go into all of your online profiles.

Source: Marci Alboher, Working the New Economy

Luft and Ingham called their Johari Window model ‘Johari’ after combining their first names, Joe and Harry.

The Johari Window is a model for understanding and training self-awareness, personal development, improving communications, interpersonal relationships, group dynamics, team development and inter-group relationships.

There are four quadrants to the Johari Window:

• OPEN. what is known by the person about him/herself and is also known by others or ‘the arena’
• BLIND. what is unknown by the person about him/herself but which others know or ‘the blindspot’
• HIDDEN. what the person knows about him/herself that others do not know or ‘the facade’
• UNKNOWN. what is unknown by the person about him/herself and is also unknown by others or ‘the unknown self’

Why is this important for you to know?  Because successful communication depends on the degree to which we can align ourselves and our “Johari Window” to match to recruiters, hiring managers, whomever we interact with.

This tool will give you an insight into how much you reveal about yourself.  Some folks are introverted and reveal little about themselves. Others are extroverted and reveal a great deal – hense keep their “window” open.

Each quadrant represents a different kind of personal information – Here is more detail about each quadrant:

Open quadrant represents the information that we know about ourselves and that also is obvious to others. For example, when you see someone you see important information about them: their gender, approximate age, skin color, if they appear to be fit and healthy or not. If you talked with them, you might be able to determine if English is their first language, or you may observe they have a wedding band on.  With this information – there is no privacy  – the way we look, how we speak, what we wear lets others know something about ourselves.

Blind refers to information that others know about us, but that we don’t know about ourselves. Others pick up information about us that is blinded to us. For example, a co-worker may observe that you move your knee rapidly when you’re bored in a meeting.  If this information is pointed out to you, you will probably notice it the next time you’re sitting in a meeting.  Knwing this means that it has shifted from being Blind information to being Hidden information and you are able to control it if you wish.

Hidden represents personal information that is known only to us: our life experiences, our thoughts, feeling, dreams…all of that information is within you and it is this information that we share with others. We’re always making decisions about how much of this information we disclose to others.  The hidden aspect of ourselves is specific to self-disclosure.

Unknown refers to personal information that is known to no one—not even ourselves. It is information that is outside of our awareness but still may affect how we think, feel, and behave. Sometimes this type of information is called an unconscious influence over who we are as individuals – it means is that we can’t get conscious access to it.

I admit that I had been reluctant to use Facebook for job searching for a year now. Just recently I decided to join Facebook and see if it has features which might be useful to me.

One of the reason Facebook is so important as a job search tool is because most businesses (who are net savy and know the power of web) are already there. And many recruiters are constantly checking social networking sites to reach out to potential candidates, and Facebook is a platform they always check for your presence or lack thereof.

Here are my findings:

I set up my Facebook Profile to be only about my work and my career goals. I am using my professional photo and my updates are relating to the SaaS field (which is my job search focus) and for certain job searching ideas I am finding. And yes, my Job Searching blog (the site you are on now) is listed on my Facebook Profile. My family and friend are finding me on Facebook so I am accepting these friends as well as my networking contacts whom I have met and know.

Key Facebook Tips for the Job Seeker

• Review your Profile and decide what you want business contacts or prospective employers to see.
• Create a simple profile with minimal graphics and widgets.
• Choose your Friends wisely. (note: your Friends can see information about your other Friends in your Profile)
• Post content relevant to your job search or career.
• Use Facebook email to build relationships with your Friends.
• Limit the photos you post.

Facebook Search

When you search for a key word or phrase on Facebook, you can narrow it down to people, pages, groups, link, etc. This provides a wide range of options as to who to network with and reach out to. For instance, if you are looking for jobs related to “SaaS” you can simply search for that term and connect with people in that particular field. You can search for people who are application developers and system implementators; or merely search for links that have the word “SaaS” in them. This allows you to connect with like minded people and build a relationship with them which can help you find a job later. Also if you are searching for links, you might find a job where someone is looking for an SaaS implementator.

Additionally, you can also find links to blog posts or job openings for “SaaS.” To find links that contain the word “SaaS” simply click on “posts by friends” or “posts by everyone” on the left. Once you click either one based on your preference, you can now search for links, wall updates or Facebook notes that have the word “SaaS” in them.

Facebook Pages and Groups

Two very important features of Facebook are “Facebook Pages” and “Facebook Groups.” These features allow you to join a group of people with similar interests, or simply provide an opportunity for you to learn more about a company or connect with recruiters via Facebook. Key tip: let others know that you are available. Your active participation and engagement in these groups will help recruiters determine whether you are a good fit when there is a job opening.

One thing to keep in mind when joining groups and pages is that you want to narrow down as much as possible based on your field of expertise. Make sure to be an active user in these groups because when a job opportunity becomes available, recruiters looking for professionals will definitely look into specific groups and pages to see who they can contact based on their participation and skills.

Also Facebook has many groups and pages for career minded individuals as well as recruiters. Use the word “recruiter” when searching and you should be able to find many groups and pages. Choose the ones that seem active and start participating.

Facebook Applications

Facebook now has over 10,000 Applications in the directory! – some of which are great for job hunters on Facebook. I am listing 5 here the ones I view as most useful for you:

Easy CV – Easy CV is an add-on to the famous on-line resume service. It allows you to add a short summary of your resume on your Facebook Profile and a dedicated page for the complete CV. Recruiters can download your resume directly from your Facebook profile. If you are following and reaching out to the right people, applications like these can be a huge boost for your job search. Your resume can be placed in these formats: PDF, MS Word or video.

Indeed – Job Search – Find jobs where your friends work. Search millions of jobs from thousands of job sites and company career pages. Receive job proposals and resumes from your profile page.testimonials

My LinkedIn Profile – Promote your LinkedIn account with a badge on your Facebook profile.

Business Cards – Business Cards will help you network better on Facebook. Personalize your card and attach it to your Facebook messages! View postings and network with others!

Professional Profile – Create a professional profile on Facebook. With one-click,professionalupload your resume in or import your LinkedIn profile and recommendations. Get recommendations from friends. See resumes in your network.

Facebook Marketplace

This is a feature that you can check to see if it is useful to you. You can find the link to Facebook Marketplace at the bottom left of the main page. After you click on the marketplace icon you will be directed to a page which shows listings such as for sale items, housing, jobs, etc. To find more jobs simply click on jobs and you will be able to see all the jobs listed in the marketplace.

Facebook Ads

This is a cost item within Facebook. You may find this to be beneficial to your job search. Reason: you can target your ads and pin point who sees them. Although these ads may not land you a job, the fact that for $10 or $15 dollars you can be seen more than 20,000 times, it’s certainly an option to consider.

Conclusion

If you are going to use Facebook as a job search tool, be sure your Facebook Profile is professional (limit the pictures you post and the updates you make) for viewing by recruiters and hiring managers. Basic rule: always watch the content you post. You never know who will see your information in the future.

An option to consider: if you are uncomfortable setting up a personal page then create a second Facebook account for a more professional use and keep the two separate.

iGoogle is a Web browser start page tool for combining many Google resources for ease-of-use on your online desktop. Tabs are used with iGoogle to have multiple views of your content.  For example, you can include – on one tab – email, your calendar,  the phases of the moon, various Twitter “gadgets” …  well, your get the idea.

In summary, iGoogle is a “personal homepage” where you  have immediate access to content of your choosing; example: your RSS feeds, news headlines, weather forecasts, etc.

It’s a “one-stop-shop” for access all kind of information.

Set up a Tab in iGoogle for job searching.

Although I use Google Reader for most of my casual blog reading, I use an iGoogle tab specifically for Job Searching:

• Every job search result is available to me in one place!
• Easy, one-click access to the latest openings.

All your job seaching activities at a glance, w

hat a deal!  Just a quick set of gadgets to set up and you’re done!

How to set it up:

Technology today allows you to receive current, up-to-the-second results (RSS feeds) that are specific to your job search …every hour of any day … when you open my browser.

Everything you add to iGoogle shows up as a draggable widget, so you can design your own layout, organize your content into one Tab.  Setting up a dashboard page in a tab on your iGoogle page to create a custom job searching page – all in one screen!

Step 1) Add Your Favorite Job Boards to iGoogle

Note: I will be featuring a Human Resources – Project Manager targeted search theme as an example, but you can follow along with any industry, topic, or job type that you want.  Go to a job board that you frequently use; for example:  SimplyHired

Step 2) Look for the RSS feeds ICON.

Right click and copy the RSS feed via “Copy link location”. That RSS link is now on your computer’s clipboard.

Step 3) Open your iGoogle dashboard, and in the upper right hand side click on the “Add Stuff” link.

Click on “Add feed or gadget” in the lower part of the left column.  You will see an open box screen where you can paste in the RSS url that in in your computer clipboard.

Repeat for each of job board (with an RSS feed option) you want to be part of your iGoogle Search screen.

Add a gadget or two. There are a lot of other gadgets out there made specifically for iGoogle, and you can find all of them with the “Add Stuff” link. Some of them can help with your job search, like the Indeed.com job search gadget

Add Custom Twitter Search

The first step is to go to search.twitter.com and test a few search phrases to see which results work well.

Copy the RSS link for your search. In the upper right corner of twitter search results page you’ll see a link that says “Feed for this query.”   Right click on that link and copy it to your clipboard, like we did with each of the job boards.

Done!

Now you’ve got both customized job board feeds and specific twitter search results showing in one place.

Bonus Information

A link to refer to for more information:    http://tinyurl.com/yzsv85l … this “How To”  link for help is an excellent blog post with superb detail on how to create a job-search dashboard, from setting up a new dedicated tab to adding searches for everywhere from your favorite job boards to Twitter.

Consider that the  idea of  “added value” is a basic truth which is not disputed, everyone wins with it in the mix and customers and co-workers are happy and, because of that, the organization flourishes.

It is true that our society needs successful endeavors in every facet; why not add “added value” to the mix?  Here are ways I know I add value to an organization:

* Match your manager’s priorities to yours; the end result will be that you will be in alignment with your company’s goals and vision.
* Focus on your skills, projects, and assignments which have had positive outcomes.
* When you typically deliver results on-time (or even early) this action shows that you are organized and dependable.
* Keep up on your knowledge about your profession; attend company-sponsored training, professional association events, and read trade journals.
* Show your flexibility and team player spirit. Offer to help out colleagues when it appears that they need it. Never state, “that’s not in my job description”.
* How about responsibility. Own up to your mistakes and focus on what you’ve learned rather than on what went wrong.

The primary purpose of any business, service or industry is to add value in greater proportion than the costs connected with its’ establishment in the first place.  As noted by Albert Einstein:  “Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.”

I recognize that  through individual efforts; through a focus on building the customer base into a profit center,  I can truly add value.

Today, if you don’t show up in Google, you don’t exist. You may be looking for work and want to see what comes up when the recruiter checks you on Google.  Or you may be single (or not) and you are trying to get a date.  Whatever …  you can count on being “Googled”

Knowing what Google “says” about you and proactively managing your personal brand online is critical to success.
You will be able to know instantly how you appear digitally online…

Online Identity Calculator results

… it is a cool tool that will help you make sense of your Google results and give you advice on how to build a stellar online identity that’s aligned with your real-world personal brand.

This extremely popular and first-of-its-kind tool was designed by William Arruda and Kirsten Dixson, authors of Career Distinction: Stand Out by Building Your Brand.  Together, they are partners in Reach, the pioneering personal branding firm with global presence.

Here is the link to the calculator: http://www.onlineidcalculator.com/index.php

REACH

Note:

Your search results may determine whether or not an executive recruiter calls you in for an interview, you land your next job or attract the best professionals to your organization.

Given the extent to which people use search engines as research tools today, building and managing your identity online is no longer a luxury. It’s a requirement

So regularly monitor your online identity. That way, if something or concern pops up … you can address it quickly, before it gets out of hand!

Social Media

Find out about social networking for your job searching … Melissa says to begin with your goals.  What do you want to achieve by using social networks? Job leads? Connecting with industry experts? Building relationships gradually?

Then try a leading social media application – Twitter

* Find other Twitter users who tweet about the same topics you’re interested in, such as career change, résumé writing, interviewing, etc.
* Use Twellow to search for experts in your desired field.
* Ask for leads from contacts on Twitter.
* Join Twitter lists.
* Use hashtags (#) to funnel down your area of interest. Some examples include: #careers #resumes #hiring #jobhunt #jobhuntchat #careercollective.

Here are the 4 questions:

1. What are the best social networking sites to use for your job search and career management?
2. How do social media sites (Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook) differ?
3. Should job seekers focus on two or three main sites or “cast a wide net?”
4. What advice would you give to job seekers and career builders for managing their social media strategy?

Read on at:    http://www.careerealism.com/social-networking-job-search-strategy/

Quora (URL: http://www.quora.com ) is a continually improving collection of questions and answers created, edited, and organized by everyone who uses it. The most important thing is to have each question page become the best possible resource for someone who wants to know about the question.

One way you can think of it is as a cache for the research that people do looking things up on the web and asking other people. Eventually, when you see a link to a question page on Quora, your feeling should be: “Oh, great! That’s going to have all the information I want about that.” It’s also a place where new stuff–that no one has written about yet–can get pulled onto the web.

Attributes of Quora…

• Accumulating Knowledge
• Reusable
• Collaborative
• Continually Improving
• Organized
• Targeted
• People

People? Yes, everything on Quora is tied back to a person. Each question and answer has a revision history associated with it, and each change in the  log is associated with the person who made it. People use their real names and pictures on Quora and have a short bio describing who they are; this helps anyone reading things they write to understand why they should believe what is written and take into account the author’s perspective.

Steps to get onto Quora:

1. Start by setting up a good feed.

* Your activity feed has recent activity about content that interests you. You can view your feed by going to the home page.
* You can build a good feed by following and searching for topics, people, and questions.
* Topics: When you follow a topic, questions and answers tagged with that topic will appear in your feed
* People. When you follow people, you will see questions and answers posted by these people in your feed.
* Questions: When you follow a question, you will see activity about that question in your news feed (example: when a new answer is posted on the question).
* The easiest first step: start by following some topics that you care about and some people who write about them.
* You can also read some interesting questions to get a feel for the site.

2. Learn more, including:

* What does a good answer on Quora look like?
* What makes a good question on Quora
* Learn more about how to use Quora for users in specific fields and professions.

3. Follow a topic on Quora by simply pressing the “Follow Topic” button located in the upper right corner of the topics main page.

There’s a green “Follow” button to the right of a user’s name on every profile but your own. If you are already following the person, there will be a grey “Unfollow” button

4.  What are some good pages for you to check out?

Well, for example, consider the question that was recently posed on Quora:

Which human decision is the most important ever made?  By decision, I mean to a specific situation where individual persons made a conscious choice..

See the answers -  so far -  at:

http://www.quora.com/Which-human-decision-is-the-most-important-ever-made

5.  Categories and examples of Quora questions:

Businesses
* Why is Barnes & Noble performing well as a business while Borders is near (or has even reached) bankruptcy ?

Career Advice
* What would you advise your (hypothetical) 22-year old college-grad child to do with his or her life?

Children and Parenting
* What is the logic in making a child look up a word in the dictionary when they ask what it means, rather than just tell them the meaning?
* What is the right age to let your kids watch Star Wars? and Why do parents let their kids watch Star Wars at such a young age? Isn’t all the Darth Vader / killing stuff psychologically not good for little kids?
* Is it hypocritical to not report your child to the police if you know they have committed a minor crime? Why or why not?
* Why do some parents have their children circumcised?
* What are some alternatives to the Boy Scouts of America for families that don’t support their policies toward gays and atheists?

Etiquette
* How does one get better at remembering people’s names?
* If I see a missed call on my cellphone, but the caller didn’t leave a voicemail, am I socially obligated to return the call?
* Why is it important to teach children manners?
* How do you handle a friend who never chips in enough for a group dinner?

Food
* What are the best pizza toppings to get for a big group?
* In general, can you go to a restaurant and only get dessert?
* How can I learn to love salads?
* Is it rude to very politely ask a lingering group at a restaurant table when they are planning to leave?
* How should one think about the costs and benefits of opening a food truck?

History
* Which human decision is the most important ever made?
* What are good, accessible books on American history?
* Is there any point in studying the Middle Ages, in depth?
* What are some behaviors that are accepted now but might be considered immoral in the future?

Movies
* In The Dark Knight, how did the Joker really get his scars?
* In The Matrix, why doesn’t the Oracle tell Neo he’s the One?
* Was the movie Inception all a dream?
* Why were the Star Wars prequels so terrible?

Music
* Why is live music so loud?
* Who is the Alejandro that Lady Gaga sings about?
* What are the most iconic album covers?

Sports
* What are the most iconic images from the Olympics over history?
* How does a pitcher decide to become a closer instead of a starter?
* Should we root for Michael Vick?

Travel and Cities
* What are the best travel hacks?
* What are good tips for airplane travel with babies?
* Why do some people think San Francisco is the best city in the world?

Readitlater -  for professionals like you allows the queuing up of articles to read later, from your Readitlater account page.  Saving an article to read later is easy: you just add a bookmarklet to your Firefox bookmarks bar, and click it whenever you find something worth saving.

Some of the advantages that Read It Later offers are:

• to add and read saved information from almost any devices available on the market by using the web interface, native apps, or any other apps that support the Read It Later environment:
• to save information for offline reading, so you can continue reading your saved information even if your device is in airplane mode.
• to synchronize the reading progress so you can continue reading on another device and pick up where you left off.

How to set it up:

The first part is to create a free ReadItLater account on the “cloud”.    Have your user id and a password ready (with email verification), and you are set up to go.

Set up a reading list:

Build your list the easy way by adding the “Read It Later” bookmarklet to your browser’s bookmark bar. This bookmarklet should be compatible with every browser:

When you are browsing the net – and see something to read but do not have time now – save it for viewing at a later time:  Click the bookmarklet and the article will be saved.

Internet Explorer/FireFox plugins

Adding a plug to your favourite web browser allows you to mark web pages, items and text for reading later as you browse.   Plugins for all major browsers are available for downloading: for Firefox, Internet Explorer, Chrome, and iPad/phone.  Once downloaded, if you see a page, URL or link that is of interest, right-click the page or link and you now have an option to ReadItLater.   The URL link is now sent to your cloud account.  A new ReadItLater chevron button
is also added in the toolbar to add the entire current page you are currently viewing.

Mobility with RIL

But what makes Read It Later work so well is its ability to move seamlessly between your computer and your mobile device. For example, if you were in the middle of an article that you read on your browser at home when you had to go to work, you can continue reading on your iPhone on the way to the office. Read It Later’s iPhone App would pick up where you left off. Then if your commute was not long enough for you to finish the article, you could continue your reading at the office’s computer.

To continue your reading on your mobile app, tap the “Currently Reading” option on the front page of the app.

Using this combination I no longer have to bookmark interesting items, add a ToDo to read them, or get distracted into reading them now.

Instead, I can mark the items that interest me, and Read Them Later when time allows.

Here are New Year’s Resolutions to pick (why don’t you choose one, two, three OR ten..)

New Year’s Resolutions get a bad reputation for being something you say in January, but quit by February.

This year, make a resolution that you will …

• think about what I liked and disliked in previous jobs and develop the ultimate job description. I will use this to give my search focus and meaning
• network 80 % of the time and use the Web 20 % of the time
• be open to exploring many new options in the job market, understanding that there may be interesting opportunities beyond my traditional field
• review which tactics did and did not yield results in 2010, and I will work to understand how I might improve in those areas that did not do as well as I had hoped
• promise not to apply for positions I am definitely not qualified for
• ask friends or acquaintances who manage and hire people to evaluate my cover letter and resume and give me real feedback – even if it hurts to hear it
• set myself weekly goals during my job search and keep to their deadlines
• consider new industries and career paths, but I will research the likelihood of being able to make that switch easily
• work on building relationships with your recruiter by helping him/her as much as they help me
• will apply immediately (with a tailored cover letter and resume) and search for friends and colleagues who could act as referrals to help me network into the organization
• consider my job search a full-time job and will not become complacent with my current situation. I will prioritize my job search above television, video games, or recreational internet use
• meet (on the phone or in person) three new people a week who can help me with my job search
• be thoughtful about when to send my resume, and I will not send my resume to everyone I know and not spam my resume to companies where I am seeking employment. Instead, I will tailor my resume to each company, so that my relevant skills are stressed for each specific position of department. The company will know I am serious and intent on working there
• learn to leverage Social Media as a vehicle for communicating about myself, and not just as a distraction for hours chatting with new friends be specific about the type of work and organizations, including names of target organizations that I find most interesting
• send thank-you cards after every interview, whether I thought the interview went well or poorly
• not assume a person cannot help me find a job.  They may know a great contact I need to meet
• set up informal discussions with decision-makers/hiring managers even if they are not hiring right now.  They may be hiring soon be open to exploring many options because an interesting opportunity may exist beyond what I can see on the surface start attending more job fairs and networking events, including those that may put me outside of my traditional industry
• consider that my resume may not be as good as it could be and seek advice
• acknowledge that I may not be an interviewing pro. Especially if I’ve interviewed a lot and have not landed a job.  I will seek professional advice
• start considering a wide array of employment opportunities, instead of only the areas I’ve been used to build a plan for my job hunt by outlining resources to research and key people to contact.  I will create a schedule, too.  Milestones and goals are important
• provide or demonstrate my value to my newly-made contacts first, before asking for their help
• share my concerns with a few trusted friends who can offer good advice (instead of giving up hope)
• re-examine what my real financial needs are so that I can be more open to opportunities that may pay me less than what I want
• meet, whether by phone,direct e-mail, or in person, three new people who can help me in my job search each week
• will volunteer.  I will make good use of my time by meeting new people and creating substance for a discussion on “what I’ve been up to recently.”  I will make a difference when many can use my assistance
• evaluate opportunities by recognizing that this job can be a stepping stone to another job (inside or outside the company) – especially as the market improves
• not depend on my network to find a job for me, but will view it as one of several methods of finding employment
• Read.  Learn. Teach.  I will educate myself or others on a subject-matter than is pertinent to my profession
• do volunteer work to keep myself busy, and to also answer the question interviewers will put to me regarding what I have been up to recently in my unemployment
• consider exercise to be a good stress-reliever and pick a program I will enjoy (not necessarily bring the fastest results)
• ask friends or family to give me full and honest criticism of my resume and of my interview tactics, even if it may be difficult to hear
• not become frustrated with my job search, or, if I do, I will not take out that frustration on my friends or family.